Friday, October 28, 2011

Breathe...just breathe.

For those of you who read this blog, you already know that I often get sidetracked by the many things in my life these days and forget that I have a blog to attend to. Sporadic as it may be, I find that it's cathartic to write and want to be more dedicated to doing this on a regular basis.

In fact, several months ago I was told by a counselor (who specializes in the challenges facing parents of multiples) that I should journal everyday. (let's just clarify, with a normal infant that's difficult, with twins dang near impossible but with twins who were 11 weeks premature, one of whom has health issues that require full time nursing, it's downright ridiculous to even get a minute to THINK, nevemind write your thoughts out longhand!) I smiled and nodded at her but in my head the snarky sarcastic me thought - "uh huh, I'll get right on that - after cleaning up the baby barf, doing laundry, rocking, feeding, and changing a multitude of poopy diapers...seriously you think I have time to journal when I can't even get a shower everyday?!?". Regardless, I was going to see her since we had a new family, which was a major adjustment for a couple of 40-somethings like Dave and I so I thought I'd gain some insight from a professional who herself had twins. I know she meant well but a lot of the tips and tricks were not applicable to our situation and missed the mark of being helpful.

In addition to this doctor's not-so-helpful "promise me you will do this" list of  "take time for you" exercises she had one well-hidden and disturbing attribute that surfaced about 4 weeks into our sessions. {Cue the villianous duh-dun-dah music} She was a hugger. Not the casual kind of hugger who takes the universally understood "end this hug now" back pat hint. We're talking prolonged hugging, compounded by her telling me to "breathe....just breathe...". This is the hug that makes you feel incredibly uncomfortable. In truth it was the ANTI-HUG. Hugs are intended to bring comfort and a warm fuzzy feeling...this imposter hug failed to meet any and all hug criteria. Can you say AWKWARD? I left there thinking "that was weird" -  "and unprofessional" -  "and, yeah, weird". So I went home, feeling rather unsettled and, yeah, just weird. 

A week passed and being the forgiving type that I am, I thought it might be a one time thing and decided to keep my appointment for that morning despite the risk. So I went, and talked until the 40 minute mark  when I stopped talking as she gave me her new to-do task list, then abruptly, I made a beeline for the door. Much to my surprise, she was ready with counter measures deviously cloaked as courtesy. I smiled as I thought she was simply opening the door for me but she put her hand on the knob, then body-twisted 180 degrees to face me and, you guessed it... pulled me into yet another hug! I was in a state of disbelief and a"why the hell didn't you anticipate and prepare for this" thought when the "breathe...just breathe" words hit my ears, again. So, I responded, "It's fine, I'm fine, everything will be fine" thinking, "okay she needs a verbal cue". Nope, didn't work. There I stood, stuck in the constricting arms of a woman half my height, powerless to escape unless I surrendered to her I exhaled, really loud, with a sigh and it was like the parting of the Red Sea. Without warning her arms and office door magically opened! I could see the inviting flourescence of the hallway lights and smell the musty odor of the sad, white noise infused, windowless corridor that served as a waiting room. Seeing my chance, I quickly made my way through the door jam, past the unsuspecting victims sitting in the mismatched secondhand waiting room chairs, into the main hall and down to the elevator...I could almost taste the fresh air of freedom when all of a sudden the moment of bliss was broken by a crackling voice saying, "You can pay at the front desk. See you next week." Then in a flash, (similar to those 'getting sucked backwards at warp speed through a tunnel' shots you see in the movies) I realized my feet had not left the floor at all and the counselor was still standing there with one hand on my shoulder looking at me like I was this poor pitiful creature needing further guidance. Yet another mistaken perception on her part, I was just lost in my anti-hug escapist day-dream. I guess a hug only last until the 45 minute mark, or in counseling terms, your hour is up! Needless to say, after that I never went back.  OH, but I digress...

Even though I may not be able to do this everyday, if I can get a couple of posts done each week it will be a fun break for me, (and it's my acknowledgment that the counselor was right in some respect). It's good to talk, and vent and get things out, and here, on this page, I'm assured of no prolonged awkward hugging!

No comments:

Post a Comment